Soon, the supermarket aisles will transform to a lush red and the florists will fill with an ample supply of crimson roses as Cupid soars above, reminding all that Valentine’s Day is soon to come.
Yes, the holiday named after Saint Valentine will be here in a few weeks and lovers will celebrate and express their love for one another with a box of chocolates, a card, a bouquet of flowers or perhaps a romantic dinner. On February 14th, many recently divorced ladies and gentleman who do not wake up to a love note signed “your valentine,” may find this entire day dedicated to the lovers a bit distressing. Well, just because you are divorced or are currently going through a divorce, you shouldn’t find Valentine’s Day upsetting.
Valentine’s Day is not a day for only the couples. Valentine’s Day is just as worthy of celebration if you are divorced and single. After all, Valentine’s Day is a day of love. So, for all you divorced individuals, spread this love amongst those you love.
Make Valentine’s Day Cards with your children or play fetch with your dog for an extra hour. If you are an avid reader and love to spend time curled up on the couch with a good novel, then do just that on February 14th! Do activities you love on Valentines Day. You can fill Valentine’s Day with L.O.V.E. even if you are divorced!
Valentine’s Day does not need to be a day of hate for the recently divorced. There are many things that you can do to prevent the negative feelings and celebrate Valentine’s Day in your own special way. And by “your own,” we truly mean it! Why not use this day to pamper yourself so you can relax and throw all negative stigma associated with divorce down the drain!
We found this great article on Blogs on Divorce, which offers up five easy tips for a Happy Valentine’s Day! Below we highlighted the advice to help you recently divorced individuals:
Tip 1: Accept that divorce means your life has changed. There are many words to describe the experience of divorce — and not all of them are fit for publication! Without question, divorce can be emotionally overwhelming, financially terrifying, and psychologically traumatic. Despite all of this, the most important tip for you to move on with your life — domestically, romantically and in all other ways — is to accept that your life has changed. A great deal of sadness and anger may accompany this acceptance, but this can be cathartic instead of crushing. With change comes the opportunity for growth and renewal, and for better days ahead; including Valentine’s Day.
Tip #2: Learn from the experience. I know from personal experience that divorce takes a lot away from you — it takes your physical health, your emotional health, your money, your time, and sometimes even your self-respect and dignity and for some, their children and the love of their life. However, divorce can also give something incredibly valuable: knowledge that you can use to learn from the experience. Even if you believe that your spouse is 99% at fault for the break-up (which is unlikely, by the way), you can still learn from how you dealt with it — both positively and negatively. Use this knowledge to improve and grow, so that your future relationships are better — and you look forward to Valentine’s Day, instead of past it.
Tip #3: Get back in the game…eventually. After divorce, it’s a good idea to give yourself the time you need to heal your wounds, care for your kids, recreate your new financial life, restore your health, and focus on other key priorities before re-entering the dating scene. However, that doesn’t mean you should swear off dating forever. You can’t wait until you feel 100% safe and secure again before you dip a toe in the dating waters, because that absolute certainly will never come — and you’ll stand on the edge of the pool forever! Consider becoming a member of a credible dating service (including ones that cater specifically to divorced people, join a support group with other divorced people, or read books written by qualified experts who can give you the support you need to get back in the game.
Tip #4: Consider outside assistance to help you move forward. After divorce, friends and family can sometimes offer a helpful shoulder to lean on. But if you find that Valentine’s Day and all of the talk and imagery about romance, relationships and cupid-inspired love floods you with unbearable or undesirable emotions, then it may be time to talk with a therapist. Choose one who specializes in helping divorced people recreate their life after divorce. There are also plenty of personal empowerment courses available.
Tip #5: Love yourself and your new single identity. No, this tip isn’t a mistake. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single, and simply deciding that you want to enjoy and experience the single life for a change. Yes, other people will (unfortunately) keep asking you “if you’re dating again.” Don’t get mad at them — they mean well! And frankly, you won’t get mad at them if you embrace your new single identity and say to yourself: “I love myself, I embrace my new single identity, and I’m going to have some fun with this for a while!” If that “while” turns into months, years or decades that’s perfectly fine — as long as it’s something you’ve embraced.
Follow these words of wisdom and you will enjoy your Valentine’s Day, even if you are divorced! Believe it or not, being single on this day can be fun. You will soon realize that being divorced is not the end of the world and being single on Valentine’s Day can be great!
The divorce attorneys at Revelli & Luzzo are dedicated to helping you. Do not be troubled by the legal aspects of your divorce on Valentine’s Day. Leave that to the professionals. If you are going through a divorce, contact us today.
Happy Valentine’s Day and cheers to being single!